The Self-Compassion Skills Workbook: A 14-Day Plan to Transform Your Relationship with Yourself by Desmond Tim

Author:Desmond, Tim
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: W. W. Norton & Company
Published: 2017-05-08T16:00:00+00:00

Practice 6

When Compassion Is Difficult

Self-compassion can be difficult, but in my experience, it is always possible. Whatever obstacle that might prevent us from experiencing self-compassion can be overcome, and the secret for doing so is deceptively simple. We learn how to embrace the obstacle itself with compassion and understanding.

In the practice of compassion, there are no enemies. We are peacemakers, who are committed to finding ways to understand and embrace whatever thoughts, feelings and sensations arise within us. This might not be easy, but it’s much easier than constantly being at war with ourselves. We begin this practice by consciously calling for a ceasefire.

To be clear, we do not passively surrender to the darkest parts of ourselves. We don’t give in to self-hate or despair. We don’t allow these parts to control us. Yet neither do we seek to annihilate these parts of ourselves. We have learned that hating our hatred just creates more hatred. In the end, we see that these parts of ourselves are like crying children. They aren’t being rational, and shouldn’t be put in charge of anything. What they need is love, understanding, and a commitment to repair whatever relational bond has been broken. This is a practice of active nonviolence and of conflict resolution—in our relationship with ourselves.

The more you understand the obstacle that is blocking your self-compassion, the easier it will be to transform it. There are two basic types of obstacles: overwhelm and competing commitments.

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